too much drama tonight for me

it was a bit rough this evening, but just when i'm feeling really crummy, i got a call from dr. s. i didn't really want to get into riding the wave with him, and instead we talked about ftp servers and crap. a particularly good way to stop with the introverted bullshit, really. he told me that i was a nerd, again (we have an on-going argument about this).

i think that the office politics are really getting to me, and i need some therapy. tomorrow will be better, though--i'm doing injection/recovery in longmont (out of the office!!), and a blueprint for a broken heart practice in the evening.

i'm still not sold on the band's name. like the godfather says, "it's too long."

tonight, the amc channel (which is evil because it has commercials) happens to be playing two of my favorite movies, though: close encounters of the third kind, and the day the earth stood still.

close encounters is the best thing that spielberg has ever done, in my opinion. and, it has a gray meanie (ARP 2600) playing a big role, which is cool. john williams usually rips other people off, which is irritating, but forgivable for this movie.

it's been years and years since i watched the day the earth stood still, but it's truly a wonderful film. certainly it has stood the test of time.

Klaatu Verata Nicto, bitches.

new and improved?

The award-winning Web browser just got better.

at least that's what they're saying. bleeding edge man must download it.

indeed, the maiden does rock

i'm totally rocking out the piece of mind tonight. generally, i despise the bass tone on this record. still, though. it's a great new wave of british heavy metal album.

i got turned onto this one because i had z-rock on the alarm clock when i was in middle school. being instantly awakened to "to tame a land" (i've never read dune, or its cohorts--jason heller is the dune master, however) was enough to convince me that iron maiden was cool. many guitar players have tried to convince me of this, but i thought that the maiden were lame.

and now, i long for the hair metal.

go figure.

interesting reading when i should be working

"present cryonics for what it is -- a sane and reasonable thing to do."

Kiss steals the life of a girl with an allergy

this is the cornerstone of my new "anti-kissing" campaign.

zombies?

The Simple Life Returns From The Dead.

TV sucks.

It's about time, really.

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Foundation today announced its 2006 Inductees.

actually, that was yesterday. oh well.

Certainly, I’m most excited about the Sabbath. I’m usually stunned to learn that an artist hasn't been inducted already. This time around, there is not a dog amongst them.

a grocery store discovery

they have a bunch of additional soup in the kosher section.

pretty sneaky.

the power of led zeppelin compels me

to play outstanding games of billiards. i totally killed tonight. actually, i think a one beer limit and the four stix (great song, really) are equally to blame. it's pretty cool to hang out with erich. it really sucks that we can't do it more often.

perhaps i need to find someone else with a one beer limit who digs the pool playing.

i really need some friends. it's not like i don't have any, but getting schedules lined up is damn near impossible.

no show for me

erich's going to head back to the durango tomorrow, so i ought to drink some beer with him at one of the bars in boulder.

i am, indeed, fucking brilliant

i can misplace my phone, car keys, and pants in a single drink.

several hot gaydreams (tm) this afternoon.

apparentally , the ORIGINAL PRANKSTA

FAMILY PHOTOS

this has some odd-looking shit.

i got to this one from the rock jimmy site, which is absolutely, the stupidest shit i've ever checkeed out on the internet.

Black Friday?

this seems to be today's buzz-word. funny that it's a megadeth song (wish that i still had those t-shirts).

my shopping today consisted of:

• topping off the tank-o-rama (at that 80s grocery store) so that the car will quit runnning so shitty (i require a fuel pump, i'm certain);
• getting "breakfast = bear claw" from king soopers, with some smokes keep me entertained today;
• returning the strings (it used to be very difficult to purchase short or medium scale strings, but i managed to get both, accidentally); and
• getting some cranberry juice for los cape cods (i'm burnt out on greyhounds, and i need to kill this handle today). and, i got some sudaphed (i totally got carded for it, too! what's with that?!?!?) for this severe congestion-o-rama. that new anti-meth formulation doesn't work.
  

when i was retail man, we never called this shit black friday. we just knew that it suckeed. this seems to be a media construction. fucking media motherfuckers.

in other news, i have a groovy exit strategy for this job. i feel like a tremendous weight has been lifted. the count-down is t-minus eight months, four days. "next summer" is the official day that marks my new life as "the man."

two things that i must complete prior to this occurance:

• become fluent in the español (again);
• get my commerical driver's license (again).

today, i'm sort of just killing time (aka: fucking the dog), rebuilding racks, rocking out, and generally chillin'. basically, i'm growing my hair out, or something.

the janette called me yesterday and i totally misseed her call. :( i could have used a good session of dirty talking.

tomorrow, i'm going to a rockshow(tm), and i don't care if i go alone. the spectacle at the ogden ought to be worth $20.

soon, the progear (tm) update, aka the gearhead extravaganZA

i still hate the pearl jam for managing to use my name as a song-o-rama. i always THOUGHT that i was safe.

happy thanksgiving and stuff

more office drama

no one was there today, really.

actually, there was a handful.

julie filed for a divorce, and told me all about it. this is somewhat troubling--why do some people unload on me? the people that i really want to get inside of [so to speak (i'll refrain from naming names here)], will not.

The cat is inside out; post-stroke language difficulty; i'm not going to jail; mesa/boogie customer service rocks

I am a terrible cat owner. We managed to run out of cat fud. It's not like this cat is going to starve to death. She even had enough (or so I thought) to make it through the day.

I was so wrong. Upon my arrival, she started "turning herself inside out" (my mother's terminology). I presented her with the new bag of cat fud. This was apparently unacceptable. She yowled for a couple of minutes before I succumbed. all is forgiven now. i really got lucky with this feline.

the incident reminds me of one of the best far sides.

I calleed Mahoney to verify what the plan was for tomorrow. To quote him, "the shenanigans will get underway at noon, but not an early morning noon, and we'll have some whores, and some ha ha, and then eat. Then, the football game starts at 2:15."

shit, after whores and ha ha, I'll be trapped, and I'll have to watch the game. Leave it to my family to have codewords like "ha ha".

translation: the Hors d'oeuveres and drugs start at 12, then we'll eat, and stumble away from the table to sober up while the game plays on.

today, i was supposed to be in court for this shit. i totally sent those people a check, which was apparently lost. so, i've been agonizing about going to the arapahoe county jail. luckily, the ladies at the sheriff's department are very cool.

i calleed the mesa/boogie people today for a manual. this is a relatively small amplifier company, it appears. i wouldn't have thought so. they hooked me up, and now i understand what's with some of the placebo switches on the electric grandmother's new head (more about that another time). this is a total svt-slayer, seriously. if you're in the market for an amp, consider playing one. even if they have this nü-metal image, they really are a pleasure to deal with on the phone, and their propaganda on the website is utterly believeable. they made a positive impression, anyhow.

there's enough unclear pronouns in that paragraph to float a battleship, bitches.

what's weird, like drinking milk

is that men shave their faces. who thought this one up?

probably the same dude that grabbed a cow by the tit and started sucking frantically.

a flashback tonight

i remember when the cd player would default to descendents at the house of the red basement. there was another disc that we enjoyed on a regular basis, but i cannot remember it.

it seemed like it was all descendents, all the time.

the pharmies, and how i do not like them

I'm feeling. Being zoned out because of the pharmaceuticals was really lame. I'm totally working without a net at this point, since my risky behavior with the mood stabilizers worked out.

I was totally nervous for a while, but the supposed seizures never materialized. it really feels like I'm free, or something.

the blood pressure drug didn't seem to do anything, so I stoppeeed it. I have a good time series, too. if I do a regression BEFORE the drug and one AFTER the drug, it appears that, statistically, I'm better off without it. I tried to explain this to my doctor, but he's apparently a fucking moron. thus, I refuse to take this drug.

I'm not so sure on the cholesterol drug, though. (if only I could time-series that!!) I have a hypothesis about that one. basically, I just need to eat more reasonably and drink less booze (so my liver doesn't go berserk again).

those readers with some sort of medical background ought to comment on this post. maybe I'm totally being a stoner about my meds.

so...it comes down to this: I feel better without the psychiatric shit--hell, I FEEL; and, if my heart explodes, oh well.

I wouldn't worry so much if I didn't have a family history of the heart/brain attacks.

murphy's law and a trip to the music store (lots of parentheticals)

today, we totally smokeed a pump, so we couldn't finish sampling. fucking lame. i'm so over this sampling event.

i took a trip to the music store to replenish my supply of strings (i think that i last changed them when kurt called me, but maybe it was sometime this summer). i'm horrible about keeping my strings not sounding like ass. since i've been playing conventional roundwounds since my tenure with the rc, i forget how corrosive my sweat is, and how fast they wear out. it might be time to switch back to the mighty elixers (which i've had on the green bass for 2.5 years, and they've been consistent since they were about 2 months old). the big problem with string shopping is that i can rarely find exactly what i'm after, so i get los cheapies.

anyhow, at the non-rockstick megahouse (i can't stand going to the megahouse if i can help it), there were two "items" (women are not items, however) that caught my eye:

• a super-cute girl behind the counter (with some "shit in her face"--maybe i could deal with facial piercings someday?); and
• a beasty tube amp that'll fit nicely in my rack (doing research on this tonight).

so, basically, the music store adventure was a testosterone rush.

and, maybe i require another amplifier. like i don't have enough power already:

• 2 x 600 watt moscode stereo tube power amps (two of 'em, bitches!! i think that the output transformer is fried on one, though).
• 1 x 800 watt peavey cs-800 (still really squirrley, needs work)-- stereo, though, which i won't ever use.
  
• 1 x 350 watt ampeg AP-3550 (my main work-whore, with cool lights!)--the mighty mono-bloc power amp. this one has a bizzarre "presence" control, which amounts to a "crunch-o-rama" control--i keep it at 12, unless i'm jonesin' for the crunchee.
  

i love amplifiers, even if i just like to abuse them. this "little manhattan" nonsense ought to stop. i should send some of the girls to the shop, so that they're marketable.

my black cat is missing in action. this bothers me. i hope that he's alright. the mighty gray feline will not like having a little brother, though. the black one needs a name, though, and i can only think of racist names for him. i did have a kitten named "darth vader" that i couldn't keep when i was very little. i used to find kittens on a regular basis, when i was little.

mahoney told me that he enjoyed the "star wars sith movie" very much. that's awesome! he used to call me darth vader, because i was a "bad dude" when i was a teenager.

mom thought that the movie was stupid, "like the other star wars movies." mom is evil.

apparently, i have adopted another cat

or, i'm feeding one anyway. this is a scruffy, skinny black tomcat that has been lurking around for days. nitwit has been growling at the window, and i just thought that she was crazy. he lives on top of the swamp cooler. surely this is a neighbor's starving, cold kitty cat. he really wants to come inside, but i will not have a tomcat in my house. i'll keep feeding him, though.

some sort of dungeons and dragons dream

i was sent to check out this enormous aligator that lived in some canyonland. it turned out that it was actually some wingless, swimming dragon. apparently, this dragon could shape-shift into the form of a very old woman. we sat in "pizza hut" chairs, and she sucked down margaritas while i attempted to drink a very large glass of iced tea. i talked to her about being a dragon and stuff.

family irritation

my grandmother totally harasseeed me about being single this evening. i hate that my family is constantly insinuating that something is wrong with me.

king missile actually rocks?!? another epic post post-beverages.

i've recently stolen some king missile (because that sirius dj that i'm in love with played "detachable penis"). indeed that's really the only radio-worthy hit, and much of what i've stolen is somewhere between u.s. maple and jim morrison's poetry album. who is this "kramer" that is the producer guy? i immediately think of eddie kramer, who produced/recorded/effected hendrix et al. ha ha. "look at me, i'm philip glass" rocks.

anoyhow, it's pretty good shit.

tuesday night, the blueprint band had a drummer-free practice, which was weird. i think that we agreed on a telephone tree from here out (my lame-ass oganization skills at work), so that the burden of contacting us is not on the godfather (he's old and feeble-minded and stuff--hee hee).

thursday, we had the best rock practice we've ever had. everyone's finally loosening up, and playing with some emotion (and dynamics!!!!). it felt good. i have a slight crush on maia. it's totally dangerous, so this mention is as far as it will go. hopefully, no one is still reading this, or i might get in trouble. i really should maybe figure out what the deal is about that stuff, just so that i feel better. i hate to jepordize the band with something like this. i felt crummy about that bass-tard roomate, the tom murphy, having to endure our tempo angst on #3. the godfather proclaimed that he will bring the second guitar in at this point. it'll be refreshing to have someone else to play off of, as well as the vocals. maybe i'm totally crazy in my playing, but i really need to be presented with all the evidence, so to speak, before i'll feel cozy with extemporaneous thunderbrooming. with more players, i feel like i can play more notes.

now, the mogwai is rocking. young team has my favorite bass tone ever, and it's just basically loud as hell. "tracy" is the best ever ever, really (chord-ey and shit--fucking beautiful, really). that's one of two decent shows i saw at the bluebird. quasi was really good, too. thank you to the rabbi for dragging my feverish ass to that show. playing the 'bird suckeed. that was a huge stage, with a huge room , and spread out guitar players. i couldn't hear what was going on. i loved MY sound, though. my "the p.a. speakers are better than mine" theory held true. the mighty rylee confirmed that my sound was huge.

work is getting me down. i had my "annual" review, and, apparently, i'm not flexible enough. wtf? i'll do just about anything, even if it's only slighty legal. i hate them. really, i think that i'm totally flexible. when have i ever been rigid? i'm too worried about getting fired to be rigid.

i really wish that i could get a job doing something that i love, like being a studio bitch, or even cashiering at a music store. i ought to apply for some jobs that i'd dig. maybe doing sound at a club? that could be an interesting job, i suppose. i ought to see what the godfather thinks (although he's old and grisley, he'll be able to be objective. i love kurt, and i bet that he doesn't know it.)

it's not often that i really respect someone enough that i can say that without some weirdness.

i hope that no one reads this post, really. that is all.

what a week

this is probably the crappiest work week i've ever had, and i still haven't finished what i was supposed to (must return on monday).

i did get to wear a respirator on thursday, though. that was very exciting. immediately after that incident, i had a cigarette.

very odd dreams last night

the most memorable one was shooting smack with maia and this girl named molly. what's especially odd is that molly was a crush of mine (who i don't think found me out) when i was 17. they were also naked. there's been lots of naked women in my dreams lately, and it's starting to be a little weird.

dream

i had a weird dream that i was shooting smack with maia and this girl named molly (who i had a crush on when i was 17).

everyone was naked.

epic: suicidal thoughts--this is a jeremy whine-o-rama, and stream of consciousness

are healthy, according to my mother. she says, "as long as you're thinking about killing yourself, you're okay." this is really refreshing. she also thinks that it's normal to contemplate doing yourself in on a daily basis, at the very least. i'm really not feeling too keen on anything right now. this job is getting me down. i'm not playing rock shows. i'm stagnant on my home recordings since the four track ate shit. i really wanted to leave the house today, but i just couldn't rationalize it.

i miss my stupid cat.

the best part of the suicide thoughts is that i have enough pills to do it right. my mother is great for advice on how to do yourself in. every day is a choice: "do i die, or go through this shit...again?" this is my new morning mood, and so far, i have too much going on to do it.

although today, i didn't have anything happening.

today, i spent much of the day cleaning house--i totally left town with the house as a disaster area. there's still work to do--this is a process, i decided, after 3 hours. it's time to re-arrange the furniture. i also spent some time trying to figure out wtf happened to my music files. agonizing about ID3 tags is stupid. this is a process too--i'll have to fix shit as i feel like it. it really only affects the winamp playlist integrity on this page.

i read over 30 emails from my grandmother. that woman has way too much time on her hands, and cannot spell. still, it's very cool to get email from grammy sammy. it's heart-wrenching to think about her death, which i have been thinking about a lot lately, since other peoples' grandmothers have passed. i really can't fathom what my friends must feel. i wish that i could say or do something, but i have no idea what is appropriate.

i've managed to avoid dealing with the dead relatives thing via avoidance so far. i'm sure that all of my bottled up emotions about them will come out someday. dead pets are the closest that i've gotten, and that really tears me up.

i still miss my bozzer.

is it entirely lame that i'm digging beastie boys tonight?

the old guy turned 75 on tuesday. what does it feel like to live that long? i'll ask him tomorrow.

i think that i'm going to a rock show tomorrow night. i need a fix in a bad bad way, since i didn't get my therapy (rock) this week. The Psychedelic Experience

i listened to audiobooks on the ipod this week. i really don't feel like i've benefitted from "reading" the books, though. it's not the same, even if the information is conveyed. this week's books were: "the age of spiritual machines", "The Psychedelic Experience", and, "the art of happiness". i also immersed myself in some experimental music that only served to bum me out because my so-called new ideas have been done already. i had no idea that other fools were dreaming up this shit. it's refreshing that i'm not alone, but frustrating that they have published already.

next week, i'm at the deer trail facility, so i'll probably listen to some more books en route. tuesday is "ask a gyno" day, though, so i can't miss that. i also cannot miss "commando thursday." i'm a total pervert. i'm all about reading up on the sex stuff. it's too bad that i have no use for it, practically.

i'm working on a "new sound" on bass. one that's monsterous, but defined. i hate to admit it, but i might require a compressor to pull this off. conceptually, i get it, but the ampeg rig is not feelin' it. essentially, i'm going for a huge, distorted attack tuba sound with mellow feedback. that probably doesn't make any sense to anyone who's still reading this utter nonsense. the idea is to get that picked bass attack, with a sustained finish. sort of big black atomizer meets abbey road. might have to switch to flatwounds, which is an agonizing thought to me.

i have not shaved my face in two weeks, and it's driving me up the wall.

grumble grumble

i took a nap, and the blog-o-rama no worky. i hate you, blogger.

back in town

i finally got out of oregon this morning. it was a 60-hour week of mostly driving around, then, scarf something, and sleep. then, arise at 5 a.m. to do it again. toby asked what i thought of eugene (where i apparently drove through campus during some sort of sporting event), and i said "it was cold and dark." because, every place that i spent the night, i only saw with my night blindness. it's like that poem. everything just looked sparkly. the dr. s. could bust out a transliterated version, but i cannot.

i saw lots of cool scenery in oregon, and actually attempted at one point to walk through the forest, all alone (i couldn't be lost because of the gps, though. my cure song references aren't ever going to be very good). i actually let that art bell stuff get to me this week, and started seeing bigfoot and had a premonition dream about matt and marie.

upon my arrival in the office this afternoon, i was overwelmed by the drama and politics.

i hate people.

really. 99.9% of people just ain't gettin' it....or feelin' it.

this afternoon, i am enjoying some happy beverages and the who live at the isle of wight dvd that erc-z gave me for christmas. john entwistle makes me sick.

i must pick up my feline from cat prison this weekend. hopefully, her vacation was cool. i'm sure that she'll tell me about it, either way.

i have had a splitting headache for three days, and it's not because i was drunk the entire time i was gone (a single beer this week). the mighty jessica thinks that it's a sinus infection (she's an expert at this point). i agree. since the decongestants that actually WORK have become incredibly difficult to procure in colorado (and outlawed in oregon), i have a very nice culture thriving just behind my eyes. i'm sure that exhaustion and dehydration aren't helping, though.

i had a breakdown this week. maia wins for predicting that i'd have a crash, eventually. still, i'm apprehensive to the medium meds.

Happy Birthday Kurt!!

this is sort of lame

slightly better

i'm feeling slightly better. the disease seems to have taken up residence in my head and chest. luckily, there are OTC drugs for that.

i've been rocking godspeed this evening, and it's really great. i don't listen to enough of this stuff.

exicited about the GB record; another sexual jessica dream; agitated by work demands; sick; and wtf with the house of gold

i finally got around to listening to that bass-tard, murphy's mix disc. thus far, it's really fucking good. one comment, though, because i have insider trading information, ross' vocals sound like shit. i'd love to record ross. i have big ideas about that. the good thing is that it would be easy to get a good solo acoustic sound out of him. no one can blow your mind with an acoustic guitar quite like ross etherton.

particularly cool is the worm trouble track, "eye of the damned." this one requires a query of that bass-tard.

i'm fucking ill. it still feels like someone is kicking me in the stomach. the worst part is that the pain pills (even the groovy good ones) aren't doing shit for it. i cannot sleep. i should be resting instead of blogging.

today, though, i made an appearance at work. the TC (not so magnum, P.I.) started talking about what responsibilities i wanted with this one project. i do not want additional responsibilities. i'm totally in ceteris paribus mode, as far as this project goes. i'm supposed to think about this over the next couple of weeks.

a dream about jessica woke me this morning. she was standing in my room at the folks' house totally naked and i was sleeping or otherwise in my old bed. my mother totally walked in on whatever was happening, and took her away to talk with her. later, she returned, and there was some good sex.

it was a very strange, perhaps non-linear dream.

then, the fucking nitwit started in on me. she was standing, kneeding my sore guts. eventually, i had to start stressing out about the job, and got out of bed. i called to tell a couple of people that might give a shit if i am in late that i would indeed, be late. the fucking cat was yelling at me during the voicemail-leaving. now, everyone at work knows that i have a needy cat.

i am stokeed to hear the ghost buffalo record. i'd like to go to that show tomorrow night if i'm feeling better. those guys really make me feel good, and i'm in need of a fix after two days of feeling like ass.

this rocks too.

Strawberry Pancakes

flash animation amusements

The End of the World
the badgers
scampi

so-called turner classic movies tearing my heart out

mask is on tonight. i haven't seen that in years and years.

fucking amazing. ripping it out.

so cheesy that a movie can make me bawl.

shit, i really dig the mighty boss on the soundtrack, which is super strange.

this morning's dream

the cat could apparently converse fluently in english, and had opposeable thumbs (opened the door). she let some evangelical christian types (maybe mormons) into the house.

i threatened them, and they went out to the yard (which was drizzly and windy and overcast and cold) and shot them totally execution style with a monsterous handcannon (looked like a 4" .44 smith and wesson--ouch).

election aftermath and field prep

There was lots of discussion at work today about how the initiative 100 would affect the Cameron-cool drug policy.

Completely ridiculous. It’s not like the dea isn't going to stomp this. I envision them mobilizing in Denver as I type.

Jack-booted thugs.

C passed. Not a big deal, really. D didn't. Lots of bond guys are probably bummeed.

What I’ve figured out from this election, more than any other, is that I have way different political beliefs than 99% of my peers. Damn those graph-drawing maniacs in the university of Colorado econ department.

I only wish that I hadn't been so hung-over, so that I could be Ross perot with the visual aids. My favorite class was economic development. The dude (professor) would totally go after the left-wing kids and illustrate that anytime the government tries to do something, they fuck it up. No one ever questioned WHY. I hypothesize that it's because of the tremendous overhead involved.

I never bought that sociology prof's argument that bureaucracy was good.

Enough of that...I’ve been getting ready for next week. I really need to read up on storm water pollution prevention plans (SWPPPs). I get to do one for the joint in Portland (big-ass railyard) on Monday. This is my first one, and it happens to be a monster of rail.

The rest of the week is lame-ass water well bullshit. That, unfortunately takes a huge amount of planning on a one-person team. Hopefully, I can meet up with some folks that I know, and take some time out to see the spruce goose museum (have to get my cultural visit in). Apparently, they've just gotten a SR-71, which would be badass to check out--the mother of all cold war planes.

to accomplish the side-trip lunacy, i am hoping to not sleep for a couple of days (monday and tuesday). that ought to catch me up enough that i can chill on thursday and friday. i'd like to go to the coast again. i think that the pacific ocean is worth visiting on a semi-annual basis (i love the sky versus misty):


but i'm totally hoping that i get to see some waterfalls. i might just have to hike to the top of multnomah falls this time. my favorite photo from last time:

put on your surprised face--my prophecy is becoming reality

The Federal Open Market Committee decided today to raise its target for the federal funds rate by 25 basis points to 4 percent.

75% (Dixie). Your neck must be at least pink!

Are You a Yankee or a Rebel?

Two new moons discovered around Pluto

Pluto is the first object in the outer solar system known to have multiple satellites.

or, it's the alien.

SIGNATURES OF ENVIRONMENTAL PROFESSIONALS and everything is pretty cool here

i don't think that i like having to actually certify that something is groovy, especially an inherited report. the mighty janette did most of the hard work.

Mr. Jeremy Ziehe is an Environmental Professional with over two years experience preparing environmental site assessments.Mr. Ziehe conducted the site reconnaissance, basic research, and prepared this ESA Report.

usually, someone else gets to sign off on my work. i was totally digging the total lack of actual responsibility that i've been enjoying thus far at the work.

next week, it's my annual trek to the northwest! i'm truly stokeed to be travelling alone. that means that i can do a "sleep is optional" schedule, and perhaps get done with the work early. today, i must deal with the cat-sitting situation. nitwit is going on vacation.