tonight was amazingly crappy.



broken truck. bad sound. fucking guitars. headlining after a national act. to top it off, i lost my goddamn keys and had to break into my house.



i could just about hang myself. recently, i decided that i was going to do it that way. it's relatively clean. i'll just get a diaper. i suppose that i could just take some pills, but that's such a teenage girl method. guns are far too messy. maybe pose it as a weird auto erotic asphyxiation deal with some transexual porn and tape loops.



erich is going to tell our parents that i'm a fag. that should result in a phone call.



i need a woman's touch. today, j actually startled me quite a bit during an IM. i've been chatting a little bit with L from chicago via email. she seems like a nice girl. why don't any of these chicks listen to good music? grumble.



good night.

action packed, man.



yesterday, i went to the bright channel/monofog/maraca 5-0 show. i didn't last for maraca. after 3 pitchers of beer, i decided that i should get out of there, or i'd be spending the night in denver. that wouldn't have been fun.



i got some coffee at paris, so that i could drive homel andrew suggested that i hang out a while. i'm glad that i did. i sucked down two to go cofs of cuppee, and got to shoot the shit with paulie, matt, nate, and good old andrew. i was sitting at the bar, around the corner from the register. i noticed that girl sitting in the middle of the other leg of the bar, just two seats over from me. apparently, i had walked right past her and not even noticed. i don't usually notice people while i'm trying to navigate, or talk. noticing my surroundings is something that requires focus. she was talking to some friends. i was watching her, catching fragments of conversation, really just fragments of vocalizations (that's what the subtitle would say). i hope that i wasn't staring, but i'm pretty sure that i was. she turned, smiled, and said "hi there."



i smiled back and said, "hi."



i wish that i had enough balls to say something meaningful.

i am a dangerous man with a soldering iron. the new (old) cab seems to work great. i haven't had an opportunity to test it loud, but it doesn't sound loose, boomy, rattley, nasaley, or anything like that. maybe a little midrangey, but that's alright. i'll just call it 'presence,' since apparently, an accordian surround gives musical instruments much-needed 'presence.'



just as long as it's 'warm,' right? ;)



i put a counter on this page because it's free, and i'm curious. i don't think that it's working right. where in the template are webbot tags supposed to go??? fuck it. i'll worry about that another time.



it appears that i'm getting a raise, and some help. i gave the boss my specs for my help today: an attractive coed, between 21-25, who needs little or no supervision. if she's single that's a bonus.



grumble. today began the wichita lunacy. i'm going to hate life this week.



apparently, scott campbell has left the tavern and is doing this larimer lounge thing. i've got to get on this flyer deal for the canyon show.



Happy birthday, J!

....and what is this sticky shit on my desk!?!?!?!

heaven or las vegas is also a beautiful record.

i had the strangest dream last night.



the soundtrack was something on the order of aphex twin didgeridoo, but different. kind of a droning thing, with electronic "drums."



i'm supposed to be somewhere, but i can't remember where. i'm running around some city, trying to get somewhere. i think that i was supposed to meet ross or play a show or something. i caught a glimpse of wheezer, my dead cat cruising around in the city. i had this infant that i was taking care of, for whatever reason, that i ditched at the mars coffee house (which hasn't been open for ages--it WAS in boulder). i was pursuing my cat, and i finally caught him. i picked him up, petted him, then i threw him into traffic, where he was promptly hit by a bus. at this point, i'm entirely lost in this city, but i run into some redheaded girl who wants to have sex. i avoid that, saying that i have to be somewhere. this pisses her off, and she attempts to kill me as i flee on foot. i run into jason heller, and we exchange pleasantries, but i tell him that i've got to run because i'm late, and this chick is trying to kill me. he tells me that the police are looking for me because i've killed a baby or something. i had totally forgotten about the baby at this point. somehow, i find my way back to the coffee house, which now looks like a hotel lobby, to find the baby breathing but lethargic. i decide that the baby needs to drink some coffee, which it doesn't want. i pull out an old school iv bottle, and rig a coffee drip. this doesn't seem to help the baby's condition any, so i decide to bite the bullet and take the baby to a hospital, knowing that i'll be arrested for infant abuse. at least the crazy chick won't be able to get me in prison. unfortunately, the hospital is in the country, so i'm walking along the highway to the hospital, and there's a herd of chickens crossing the road. they're those black and white exotic chickens. there's a dog (german shepard) in the middle of these thousands of birds, killing them. he picks them up by the head, shakes them, and breaks their necks. he continues shaking them, and their head comes off. i get this hare-brained idea to save the chickens by feeding the baby to the dog. he entirely eviscerates the baby, entrails are strewn all over the road. i chase the remaining thousand chickens off the highway.



then i woke up.

listening to disintegration, drinking high gravity malt liquor tonight. this is really a beautiful record. there really is only a handful of beautiful records. i'm going to attempt 5, in no particular order.

the cure - disintegration

beatles - abbey road

angels of light - how i loved you

silver mt zion - he has....

mystic moog orchestra (i don't even know the NAME of that release, C)

and that one recording that i had of george crumb's 'black angels' i wish that hadn't been consumed by that stupid kenwood deck i had. i'll never find that on disc.



the cure really takes me back to those nymphomanic dating days. it's so thick (just like my cock - hee hee!). that's the appeal of bright channel, i think. they only have 1 banjo player, though. that joy division tribute show ought to be fun in the spring. personally, joy division and the smiths are very very very depressing to me. i wish that we'd incorporate that blue eyes song.



word salad.



breathe.

today was a recovery day for me. that benefit deal was sort of whack. that's my take on it. i couldn't hear a damn thing. i fought with that cheesy cab most of the night. the biggest fuck up on my part was the chorus on the green grocer song. i couldn't differentiate a change for shit. i'd rather not play those patchoulli shows. everyone smelled. some asshole disappeared with some drums. i was surprised that anyone stayed to watch. it was cool, though. i'd rather play crappy shows than do nothing on a friday night. i didn't get much of a buzz before or after this one. maybe i'm just getting into the swing as far as my psd theory goes. i don't think that i've been placing a lot of importance on shows. i really felt that i let the boys down on the song though.



i cut my hair. headphones fit much better without it. my hats should fit better too. speaking of which, i think that i need a stocking cap. i think that i'll go pick up one.

last night, dinner with cindy and george. i got beer, food and $50 for fixing a computer. i got to meet oliver, tom's replacement.



i got spekerz yesterday. no radio, just spekers!



i'm starting to get the pre-show buzz. this is very exciting.



looks like see cities will be playing in january. or not. i have no clue since no one's really speaking.



sent stuff to j yesterday.

i'm somewhat pissed. i can't locate my cat pictures. i just them them, too. grumble. they're around here somewhere.



finishing the birthday present construction to keep my mind busy.

i wish that i could deal with death better. this is very very very painful. i'm going to miss him terribly. i'm glad that he passed away peacefully and quickly of natural causes. who'd have known that he'd find the warm place in my heart.

okay. i've bitched enough.



on the upside of things, i've never been so happy with the sound of a musical instrument until now. the sound that i'm getting from the rig of doom is just amazing. it's like great sex.



maybe i'll actually keep the grandmother. it'll be interesting once i get these subwoofers into the mix.

fuck. the club 156 show starts at 7?!? like we can pull that off. also, we're listed as ex blue ontario? what's that shit about??



whatever.



i am excited about the canyon show, though.



so that's 3 shows in the next month. that's not too bad. i'm a goddamn wreck. i wish that i knew what was up with these see cities. i don't know if i can play keys. i'll wait until i have more than wull asking me if i'll do it before i start panicing. this certainly would be easier if people were on speaking terms. maybe this will pull certain members out of their anti-social rut. i still don't get that.

recording went okay, i suppose. i don't know if we're going to try to rescue the recordings. i think that we should, but it'd be easier to just redo the problematic stuff. i had convinced myself that there was a phase problem with all of those mics, but ross and greg think that it was a roll off problem. that seems more reasonable.



i feel so emotionally drained.



concerns about things are really debilitating.



weeezer is dying. they found him behind the water heater, limp and beathing.

see cities might be reconstituting.

i hate company christmas parties. i've avoided every single one i've ever been invited to, and i plan on continuing my streak this year. i don't have a date anyway.

friday, i have to be a rock star again, playing a fucking lefty benefit.

i've set december 3rd as my date to stop smoking. i don't think that's going to go well.

i took today off of work and just laid around all day long. i couldn't even bring myself to masturbate.

i hate feeling completely paralysed by circumstance. i can't do anything except feel helpless.

i finished conquest of happiness on sunday before going to andrew's. i can finally start something new.

this week, i've got to develop a birthday gift for j, since her birthday is on monday.

tomorrow, i have no choice but to go to work. assholes are already needing help with their menial shit. i'm so sick of it.

halfway through a weekend, and no posts so far. i'm going to remedy that.



friday, work was easy, with the boss out of town. i got to train people to do my stuff while i'm out galivanting on monday. friday night, i had a great practice. i really don't like 4x10 cabs. talk dirty to me would be a really cool song to cover. i don't think that ross digs the idea, though. i think that i just have too much testosterone because girl you want also sounds like a good cover song. my hands are wrecked. i'm going to be playing in serious pain for a while. my wrists are creaky, sore forearms. i've been hitting the big painkillers, trying to numb it, but i think that they're just baking me.



speaking of which, i located meddle on my computer. i didn't even realize that i had it. it's really funny, because there's no track breaks. it is the best thing that floyd ever did.



saturday, i slept most of the day, totally high. i think that helped with the pain situation a little. i saw punch drunk love with vero and wull. it was like a chick flick on acid, in my estimation. i'm still not sure what that blue stuff was, or if i was having a flashback. it felt like a flashback, and a very unpleasant one at that. vero whined, a lot. wull managed to be all situationist getting to a gas station. he consistently managed to take the wrong turn, and got entirely lost before i told him how to get out of broomfield. the highlight of the night was listening to quadrophenia. that IS such a BEAUTIFUUL record. it's like an orgasm all the way through.



today, we're recording. 5 songs? that's a little bit much, but it shouldn't be too bad if we don't fuck around. i need to re-pitch that poison cover to ross, if i have time. i really think that it would be a great cover.

dammit. blogger ate my last post. fuckers!



speaking of which we're now one of denver's "fuckest" bands. what's up with that?? i'll have to jpg the flyer.

much more relaxed today. unfortunately, the sickness is back.



i found more drugs in a big box of wire at home a couple of nights ago. i can't decide what to do with them. i could, i suppose, just take them. i'm rewiring a 67 fender bass cab, so that i can jettison that electric grandmother.



missed practice last night because i was stuck working until 8. i hate these bastards and their "jeremy will take care of it" attitude. ross seems to be okay with it, but i feel like a fuck up because i missed practice. what's funny, is that they missed having the bottom end dealt with. i can't even imagine what it must have sounded like.

i hate my job. with the albino rhino gone, life is sucking.